Ceremony for Gratitude, Letting-Go, And Beginning Anew

Handed down through the centuries
Taught to Paul Wagner by Lakota Elders in New Mexico

Reimagined and edited by Paul Wagner

Today You Will Set Your Intentions For Changes in Your Marriage, Partnerships, and Other Unions

Please make this your own in any way that feels empowering and nurturing to you. It includes aspects of The Seven Arrows Ritual, with changes aimed at healing fractured or changed unions between two or more people.

Message from your Guides

The love that fills your heart is also the fuel to your fire. Know that the universe and its tending Gods, Saints, Archangels, and Avatars see your pain and they ask that you continue to release your ego.

They say that anger is greater than your sadness because the ego has built a stage for the anger to live on. It dances with guilt, shame, and fear.

There is no more room in your life or heart for anger. The anger will burn everything down and at the very least it will cause the building of false structures in your life, which in turn you will need to be dismantled.

Things to Gather for Your Ritual
  • Corn Meal (representing the Feminine)
  • Tobacco (representing the Masculine)
  • Chocolate (the Gift)
  • Wedding bouquet for relationships only (the Symbol)
  • One page from The Documents associated with the business and/or contracting of the relationship (representation of the Bind)
  • An item related to the relationship that has meaning (the Attachments)
  • Six 6-10” Sticks
  • Matches, paper and tiny kindling sticks (to make a teensy tiny fire)
  • A large towel or small blanket
  • Tissues, water, and food for one day
  • Ribbons & magic markers of any kind (to decorate the sticks as “arrows”) • Written prayers, Medicine/Tarot Cards & other transformation tools
  • Written goals relating to the change in the relationship
The Ritual

Go into a safe area in the woods alone. Preferably, find a place near a cave or at the base of a mountain. When you feel you are in a safe place with solitude, gently clear an 8×8 circle for your ritual. Once you have created your circle, enter the circle and remain there for the duration of the ritual.


1. Consecrate Your Circle

Create the feminine part of the medicine circle by sprinkling the cornmeal around the perimeter of the area you have cleared. While you do this, chant a mantra or a phrase that invokes the feminine.

Suggestions: Om Amrite Shwarye Namaha, Om Kleem Klang Maha Shakti (Or Lakshmi) Namaha, Om Amma, Grandmothers of The Earth, Hear My Prayer, Mother Mary Be My Guide and Infuse My Heart With Love. You may come up with your own mantra.

Create the male part of the medicine circle by sprinkling the tobacco in the same fashion. While you do this, chant your mantra or a phrase that invokes the masculine: Om Kleem Maha Shiva (Or Vishnu) Namaha, Om Brahma, Grandfathers of the Sky, Hear My Prayer, God The Father I Will Abide by Your Will.

Place a flat stone in the center of your circle so that you can have a safe fire.

When your circle is finished, sit in the center of the circle.


2. Begin the Ritual

Using the paper and kindling, start a tiny, protected fire on top of your protective stone.

Pray a prayer similar to this, although you are encouraged to make it your own (with similar acknowledgment, releasing, and acceptance attributes):

“Dear God, Universe, Divine Spirit, With your light and your love, you dissolve illusion. Through Jesus, Krishna, and Buddha, you enact forgiveness and compassion. Please hear my prayers today as I open my heart and ask for blessings from heaven. I was married/partnered under your guidance to a person/entity/ company named (NAME).

This person/entity/company embodied these attributes to me: (list of qualities or attributes). I loved/ enjoyed/felt-alive/hoped, etc with all my heart and I chose to start a new chapter of my life with this person/entity/company. In my relationship with this former partner, I gave of myself as much as I could without breaking the very foundation within me. Despite my efforts, I was never perfect. I projected things onto this person/entity/company that were inappropriate and egoistic. I attempted to fulfill desires that were not in one of our Dharmic paths.

I began to scurry past issues and patterns which in turn became brushed under the carpet. I thought I was more powerful than you dear God and I forgot to ask for your guidance and clarity in every waking moment. I sit before you broken, yet I know I am loved and that I can become new in any moment with your grace.

I am longing for your love and praying for your miracles. I ask today that you hear my prayers and allow me to release the things and aspects that trouble me. I have brought cornmeal to bring a stronger feminine into my heart. I have brought tobacco to bring a more balanced masculine into my life.

I have brought items that represent the despair, pain, and confusion that have filled my life in recent years. I have brought items that reflect my love and faithfulness for a new beginning – one that will be under the shower of your divine grace.”


3. Decorate Your Death and Life Arrows

As you refer to your notes with regard to what you want to release, assign an idea to each Arrow of Death. Each arrow should represent an aspect of the relationship that you are releasing.

One by one, decorate 3 sticks (Arrows of Death) using the ribbons and magic markers.

Decorate 3 other arrows (Arrows of Life) with the same intention and clarity. For the Arrows of Live, you will refer to your notes about what aspects of goodness and light you wish to bring into your life or that which you want to embody or become.

4. Release The Arrows Of Death

Know what each arrow represents as you begin the Arrows of Death.

Begin with a prayer. Refrain from guilt and shame. You might recite something like this:

“Dear God and Universe, As I release each aspect of negativity in the fire before me, I ask that you take these things and let the smoke be a prayer for the greater good of all involved. I ask that you release these things from within me and allow me to become new. Any strands that are broken between me and others, me and events, me, and personality traits, I asked that you replace these strands of disconnect with strands of love connecting me even deeper to you and your love. I have before me 3 arrows of death.”

Place these arrows in the fire, recite what each one stands for as you place it in the fire. State what you are releasing. Your prayer might be similar to this:

“Great Spirit, Mother Earth, the Power of the 4 Directions, Avatars, Guides, and all creatures please hear me. Most Holy God, I release this arrow of death, symbolizing __________, in hopes I will become new.”

(Do this for each of the three Arrows of Death)

After all three Arrows of Death have been placed in the fire, place the Document in the fire (representing the Bind).

Sit in meditation and prayer as the fire burns until all flames and flickers have gone out.

Imagine every aspect of the negative that relates to your growth and cry them out. Dig deep and imagine every piece of you that is reflected by and in your partner. Dig deeper and deeper and release at every level of your being.

Pray with the most vulnerable of heart and do not stop until you are done. Commit to the release, not to a specific time frame in your mind. This is hard work.

When you are truly done with this portion of the ritual, leave this area with this prayer:

“Dear God, I am grateful for your love. Please help me and give me strength on my way. With the three arrows of death released, I am empty and in need of your love.”

Make sure the fire is completely out. Pour water on it to make sure it is safe to leave the fire. Cover it with dirt and rocks and make sure there is no chance of a spark left burning. Cover your tracks as best you can so that it is not apparent where your ritual was.

Pack up your things and climb to a mesa or the top of a mountain.


5. Release The Arrows Of Life

Once you’re at the top of a mountain or mesa, kneel before the heavens and pray something similar to this:

“I have before me three Arrows of Life. As I have released the negative aspects of myself and my prior commitment and partnership, I place these Arrows of Life at your feet Dear God.”

As you place these arrows in a pile in front of you on the ground, recite what each one represents. For example:

“Great Spirit, Mother Earth, the Power of the 4 Directions, Avatars, Guides and all creatures please hear me. Most Holy God, I pray for this arrow of life, symbolizing __________ in hopes that I will become new.” (Do this for each Arrow of Life)

Place all 3 arrows in a small pile. When done, continue with the prayer:

“Dear God, by doing this, I pray that you bring into my heart and life the changes that these arrows reflect.”

Place the chocolate atop the sticks. Sprinkle cornmeal and tobacco in a circle around the sticks as a symbol of the large circle you created earlier. Recite a prayer similar to this:

“Dear Universe and all the beautiful creatures of the forest, I leave chocolate at your feet and pray that the ancestors accept this gift. I pray to receive your light so that I may become new.”

If this ritual is for a relationship or marriage, place your Wedding Bouquet or another Symbolic item on the ground in front of you.

Pray something akin to this:

“Dear God, As I dissolve this symbol of my marriage, I release my commitment and devotion to this person. I release my obsessiveness and control of this person and the situation. I place it in your hands. I do this with love and forgiveness in my heart.

I know that this person and I were One, just as you and I are One, but I ask that any strands connecting my heart to this person be dissolved and replaced with strands of your love. I ask that you Change the Book of Life in this way.

Please release all karmic patterns and connections between me and this person, and let the karma between me and the archetype that this person represents dissolve in your masterful hands.

I pray that you mold me to reflect a change in me so that I never play this karmic pattern out again. I pray this so that my heart may become clear and open to your love.”

Break the bouquet apart, piece by small piece, and offer each to the wind. Let nothing exist that resembles the original bouquet.


6. Offer A Closing Prayer

“Dear God, I am grateful that I have your love. I am your son/ daughter who loves you so much and wants nothing more than to move along my path closer to you.

I am grateful for the lessons you have brought me and I pray that you continue to strip me of the beliefs and attachments that bind me. I am in deep gratitude.

Dear God, I love you. I love you. I love you.

I am your faithful servant. I am your faithful son/daughter. Thank you for your grace. Let me embody your love.”

Stay kneeling and cry and release as much as you can. Do not leave until you are finished. Unearth every thought or need that relates to the relationship.

Leave knowing that God loves you and that you are love.

Do not return to this exact place again with anger, fear, or guilt in your heart. Release this place as you would release the wind caught in your cupped hands. It no longer exists as a place of ritual for you.

The Relationship To

The Person, Event, Entity, Idea, or Business

That Once Was

Is Now Forever Dissolved

In Love.

7. The Lessons

You are not your ego or any relationship. You are the softness that fills the spaces between your cells.

Your intended partner was never yours. We enter relationships to grow and to reflect love to others.

When this ceases, the relationship must change.

You are a free child of God. Your primary relationship is always the Divine.

There is no way to end any relationships, they only change. Also, their meanings and the positions in our lives can shift.

Love is a constant and is not to be measured because of title, role, or position in our life. You cannot love one person or living-being more than another.

You are forgiven in every way throughout time – but remember – those who continue to use an eraser on the same page cause a hole to appear in the paper which is difficult to mend.




Keep your commitment to Him/Her always.

Let God be the master of your life ALWAYS.

If you have any questions, please schedule a session with Paul HERE.