Gotta love the wacky, new-agers and other narcissists – or not. A Shutterstock Licensed Image.
When traveling in new-age circles, it’s easy to spot the most real and wonderful people. They’re usually the ones not wearing white or purple, standing separate from the chatty, spiritually-chic sheep, and looking somewhat uncomfortable. They might even wear a frown.
OMG! QUE TERRIBLE, HIJA!
When the New-Age scene first blossomed, I met hundreds of high-quality human beings, deep thinkers, empathic feelers, and intuitive, sensing, light-workers. It was as if the new-age movement had inspired them to venture outside their secret, divine caves for the first time in their lives.
These fascinating people had been waiting for a chance to commune and network with others of like-mind. As powerful and brilliant innovators, they weren’t following a trend and they weren’t obsessed with themselves. They were genuine originals who had clean intentions, infused with integrity. They all shared a sincere desire to connect, heal others, and expand.
Those were the best days and I miss them. What was once the pursuit of truth has become an addition to spiritual-botox.
Now, I see more ego-drenched selfies at new-age events than I do at global television and marketing symposiums. With all the posturing and pretending, spiritual authenticity has almost disappeared in the new-age scene.
Transparency is no longer about being open and lucid, it’s become a trendy, dark art used to color perception and deceive the self. It’s no longer about dissolving the ego, it’s now about how you can construct an ego-based on marketable principles.
Part of the problem is our addiction to spiritual-porn. You know, all those hip, warm-fuzzy images in our newsfeeds that tell us that we’re Gods and Goddesses. These images encourage us to deny our shadows, which, in turn, causes us to deny half of our humanity, which we then replace with fantasy.
We use these spiritually materialistic images and sound bites to nurture false beliefs about ourselves, which causes us to avoid doing the real work. Truth be told, the real work, while sometimes painful, is both exciting and liberating.
Let’s get back to basics:
If we live within and sell a contrived identity, we’re missing the point. The idea is to cleanse the ego of false identities. Die to the ego, don’t glorify it. The path is about embracing the raw, gritty human being, not the false spiritual emblem that you might (temporarily) want to become.
If we avoid our feelings, or are unable to hear and accept the feelings of others, we’re either not truly interested in the other person, or we’ve yet to accept ourselves for who we are. Viral or not, emotions are aspects of our humanity, integrate to relating with others, and part of every equation.
Not all yoga classes are vibrationally uplifting or even spiritual. Many of them are no more enlightening than exercise, taught by marketers, not yogis. Just because the teacher wears a mala, dhoti, and bindi, and occasionally burps in Sanskrit, doesn’t mean that he or she has any idea how to integrate profound yogic truths into a conscious and transformative curriculum.
The new-age is a collective of confused people who are obsessed with derivative spiritual tidbits and immediate gratification. This is neither good nor bad, but it’s probably not good. “New-age,” while once the embodiment of an enlightening ethos and community, is now a catch-all for non-committal, spiritual dabblers who prefer fashionable, feel-good tag lines and spiritual materialism to substance.
I had the immense anti-pleasure of being in business with a local, new-age fakir. She said all the right things, wore the perfect clothes, and then completely disappeared. She lied and stole money from me, pretending that signed agreements are merely suggestions.
Betrayal is a bitch, but it’s also one of the greatest teachers.
At the time, I was ashamed of my love for her and my naiveté, but eventually realized that people who don’t relish commitment and accountability probably don’t love, respect, or understand themselves.
The most important thing I learned is that I must have had garbage remnants of new-age residue inside of me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have attracted a flaky, new-age freak into my life. Her choice to dishonor our relationship pulled a thorn from my spirit.
New-age narcissists are different from regular narcissists because they use flowery language connected to a deity, Guru, or spiritual discipline. This puts them in the “Dangerous” category. Because they reference the Gods, even their shallow projections and brain farts can become alluring, potent propositions.
Some new-agers are so adept at misrepresentation and sexy-spiritual enticement, they’re one decision from becoming prostitutes.
How to Spot a New-Age Narcissist
New-age narcissists hate confrontation because it reminds them of how much they’ve been avoiding themselves.
New-agers might dislike it when you’re angry with them because it antagonizes their delusions around reality and dreams of being spiritually perfect. If you’re upset with a new-ager, they will avoid you at all costs or place all the blame on you. This is because they only look at the pretty mirrors, not the real ones.
Because they often believe themselves to be living angels, they wear perfect spiritually-styled clothing to every meeting and gathering. These spiritual wolves usually have the cash to afford the most divine wardrobes.
Listen for warm and chic spiritual language as they describe their lives and choices, while never owning their shortcomings.
In business, they’ll use loose commitment language and make assumptions about how things will magically happen vs doing the work required to make things happen.
They sometimes describe their fears and how much they are working toward addressing them. Imagine if they put all that self-focus into rolling up their sleeves and getting to work. They love to hear themselves talk about their feelings, so we can track their fascinating progress. Sharing your feelings is healthy, but sharing your feelings all the time is f*cked-up.
Their personal mythologies are ridden with stories of horrible, oppressive people in their lives who “hurt” them, and who are not living according to spiritual principles that serve only them.
Their social feeds often feature a multitude of selfies with yoga instructors and spiritual teachers, and with backgrounds that highlight temples, ashrams and popular spiritual sites, ya know, like their bedrooms.
New-agers don’t like
to make scheduled plans
because a busy schedule
How to Protect Your Life from New-age Narcissists
Listen for how often the person shares his or her feelings. If it’s every time you get together for 15 minutes, and about every aspect of their lives, they might be self-absorbed, which could easily tip toward narcissism.
If they avoid anger and resent your anger, with regard to any situation, it’s possible that they are unable to see themselves clearly, and unwilling to grow beyond their limited, shiny public persona.
If they hurt you in business, get a lawyer, and threaten them. Some new-agers are spineless wimps who fear commitment, structure, and accountability. A lawyer will make a new-age narcissist sweat. It’s nice when these jack-offs are forced to hire lawyers to respond to you, because it means they finally had to spend money on something other than Goddess and Ganesha t-shirts.
If they hurt you in love, make note of the ways in which you were narcissistic or self-absorbed, and how you allowed them to inflame your ego. In other words, look at your own self-obsession. It might be time to let it go.
The most important thing you can do when screwed by a new-age narcissist is to educate them about their hypocrisy. Call them out on every aspect of their behavior, self-obsession, and dishonesty.
Given that these white-light addicts tend to hide behind contrived identities, calling them on their bullsh*t will be helpful to them (and you). To make sure they hear you, you might consider using the same shallow spiritual lingo that they use. Most new-age narcissists are akin to bullies. If you stand up to them, they eventually stop wanting to hurt you and others.
Reach out to mutual friends and tell them about your experiences. There’s a good chance they’ve done this before and possibly to someone close to you. Sharing your story might help others heal.
Finally, delete the new-age vampire’s contact information and never engage with them again.
If they muster up an apology, accept it with all of your heart. It’s awesome when knuckleheads wake up.
Be genuine in responses. Step beyond passive spirituality and stand in your personal power. Passivity is not spiritual. It’s a cop-out.
Be authentic. Speak your truth. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. Move on.
Your new mantra: